Chapter 24: Guide

A/N: Eop = end of plague. I started abbreviating it while doing the cast of characters tab, and it started to make sense to me that it may as well become a word in this society to mark when time really changed. So it’s 16 years past eop, or just year 16, yr16, y16. Eh, language is alive, and I have to think about how it would evolve in this period of ‘history.’

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Zuri

     When I first met Yadira, I was insanely jealous. First of all, she had Rohan, one of very few men I’ve not been able to seduce (the other preferred men, a secret I will continue to keep). But mostly, I could see it like writing on her skin. The gods are with her. They bless her, and she didn’t even know it!
     My first night, I hardly slept for thinking of it. By morning, however, I realized that it’s not her fault she doesn’t know it.

     But I didn’t know what to do about it! It was so plainly obvious to me that she was no mere girl, but I kept getting hints that she wasn’t ready to hear my thoughts on who she may really be. She’s had no one to teach her these things, and I start to wonder if that’s why I’m here, if that’s why I’ve gone through everything I’ve gone through. I could never be positive, though.
     Until that morning…

    IT had happened. The gods have placed their mark on her, and with it, I see my path. I have been brought to her.
     First, I am her guide.

     “Hello, Yadira.” I find her after blissfully satisfying my Asa. I haven’t told her my thoughts yet due to all the activity that Amina’s father has us doing. Luckily for me, I’ve stayed out of it, claiming I need to care for our daughter and try to figure out what’s going on with our young goddess. (At least I finally convinced Vik she’s not a demon!)
     “Hello, Yuri.” She pauses then quickly corrects herself. “I mean Zuri.”
     As if I needed more proof. “Thank you. I prefer Zuri. Yuri makes me think my parents wanted a boy.” Besides, I think Zuri sounds cuter. At eop, it was a kind of fad to change our names. I changed mine when I encountered the Skeeves.
     Her mouth drops, a look of surprise on her face. “I did it again,” she whispers.
     “You mean to say you know things about people that you feel like you should not know.” And of course, I’m instantly curious what those things are. But this all goes in line with my thoughts, the fact that she just KNOWS things.
     “Y-yes. And I hate that! Why can’t I know things about MYSELF?”
     “You will remember again.” But it may be a long time from now. A long time… which she will probably have thanks to the fountain.

      “You mean to say you’ve found some books?” She knew I’d been doing the research.
      I smile. “Yes and no. Yes to the books, but no, I don’t think they’re accurate. There are things that, like you, I just KNOW.” I’m so grateful for everything I was taught previously. The books here on this side of the world make the things I’m looking for seem like they’re total fiction, and they downplay them like children’s stories. In doing so, I worry they have omitted valuable information. I can’t remember every detail I’ve ever learned.
      “Okay… But you think I’ll get my memories back?”
      I quickly work out in my mind a way I could tell her that she might understand. “Yes, but you need to go on a spiritual journey.” The memories are not the most important thing! I inwardly sigh because I know that’s all she wants.
      She looks at me strangely. “A what?”

     I’m guessing what she’s thinking. I suppose that wasn’t the BEST way to put it. “I don’t mean have your spirit leave your body. Your memories were taken from you for a reason. That reason is to get you to focus on your journey. If you still had your memories, you would not be as inclined as to seek out the meaning behind all this.” You would not be as inclined as to figure out your true self, and in figuring that out, everything else will fall into place, I pray.
     “So if I can figure out the meaning my memories were taken, I’ll get them back?”
     “Yeeeees, of a sort. You need to realize your purpose on this earth.” I pause and decide to go ahead and tell her my personal thoughts. Maybe that will get her to see. “In meeting you and seeing what I’ve seen, I now know my purpose. And the first thing is to guide you on this journey. It has to be why I’ve gone through what I’ve gone through.” Before my grandmother died (when the world was sane), she taught me many things. My mother was trying to continue teaching me when the plague took her. So many deaths…
    Yadira nods. “Jers.” She even pronounces his name correctly.
    Tears sting my eyes. How does she know? “Did Rohan tell you?”

     She too looks like she wants to cry. “No! Y-Zuri, why does this happen to me? I can see them. He tripped, and Rohan tried to catch him.”
     I suddenly hug her, crying. “Thank you.” I also offer up a silent prayer to the goddess. “He was my brother, and I wanted to believe Rohan’s story. Now I know. Thank you.”
     “If you’re supposed to be my guide, tell me why I can see this horrible thing yet can’t remember last month?”
     “It has to be more proof that we are on the right path. It was a gift to me, but I’m sorry it brings you sadness.”
     “I’m sorry you lost your brother.”
     They’re so simple, her words. But they unleash a torrent of grief from me.

     She holds me while I cry like I’ve never cried before, which may be true. I didn’t have time to cry over finding my parents dead from the plague. I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to cry over Jers the way I needed to. Reck wouldn’t let me, saying it was a sign of weakness. But here, in the presence of Yadira, I let it out.
    With the world still shuddering from its tremendous loss, we need her.
    This is why the gods sent her. This is why she’s a woman. This is why so many are drawn to her.
    As for who, or more accurately what, she is, I don’t know for sure. She could be the goddess herself. She could be her daughter. She could be a physical manifestation of the spirit of the goddess. Maybe some combination. Maybe she’s a new, very-in-tune high priestess, but I think my original guesses are closer to the mark.
     My first step may be in being her guide, but my last will be in letting her guide me.