Chapter 32: Triggered

A/N: Contrary to what the title says, I don’t think there is anything in here that would powerfully trigger anyone, but there is some discussion of horrible events.

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Rohan

     My life is complete and utter shite. I’ve moved into a tent near the beach where I’d first stayed when I got here. I first thought to build an actual structure, but I lost any kind of motivation to continue working on it. I can’t bear being in my house. It just reminds me of her. It just reminds me of how I lost her.

     A million different possibilities as to what could’ve happened fly through my mind daily. Did she go down to the cellar even though I begged her not to? Did Lars somehow escape then snatch her on the way to the loo? Did he trick her into letting him out? 

     Then there is the worst… What did he do to her? I hate thinking about this, but for that very reason, the thoughts never leave me alone. If he raped her, I’ll kill him. I’m wishing I killed him the same day I shot his brother. Why did Sama insist on caring for him? Why did Yadira have to somehow heal him? If he had just DIED, we wouldn’t be in this mess. Everyone would still be here. 
     That’s another thing. Other than myself, the only adults here are Corin and Zuri, not exactly my favorite people. I suppose Corin is all right. I never really got close to him because I was always trying to avoid Orion when he was always wanting to be doing whatever Orion was doing. Always. It… got kind of creepy sometimes. And then there’s Zuri, who is apparently single again. She’d better not come sniffing around here. Maybe she and Corin could get together. But why does that feel impossible? It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.

     When I can’t sleep or frequently during the day, I either sit and stare at the horizon out over the ocean, go pray, or fish (while also staring at the horizon). Corin has done his best taking care of cooking meals, and Zuri is on constant mom duty. I wonder if they think I’m useless. Fuck ’em. That arse-wipe Corin can piss off as far as I’m concerned. How dare he tell me I’m a loose cannon? Then it was three against one. I owe them all a good hard kick in the balls for doing that to me.
     So I wait. I COULD take my old sailboat, but we’ve basically been using it to go to the mainland. I don’t know if she’s seaworthy. And so I wait.

     If they come back without her, I don’t know what I’ll do.

Yadira

     I have descended into hell.
     The first chance I got, I changed out of that wretched dress. There are actually quite a few nice garments in the chest of drawers. Today, I found the plainest dress and put it on. It has long sleeves, and the material it’s made of is somehow soft and fluffy at the same time. I couldn’t really find any pants that would work with it, but I did find some thick stockings, also surprisingly soft. Boots were in the bottom drawer.
    Now it’s been three days, and the only human contact has been for the guard at my door to hand me food.
     What has become of my life?

     The events from the day I got here circle in my head. I wish I could stop thinking them, but every aspect of that day replays itself in my mind, making me analyze everything–probably too much. They think I’m some kind of goddess. What scares me is that I actually believe them, not that I’d ever let on that I did. That would be too dangerous, but how else can I explain everything that’s happened to me? Who else would have a rock for a brother? Crystal. Whatever.
     Speaking of brother, he knew. He knew this was going to happen to me, claiming it was one of the reasons my memories weren’t returned to me. He’s wrong in thinking not having my memories would make this easier. Without my memories, I have nothing to link me back to Rohan.
     What’s going to happen to me? Derek, um, Reck said I would never be allowed to leave, yet he also says how I could help people? How could I do that if I’m trapped here? If he brings anyone in to see me, I’ll beg for their help. If I can help them, I could get them on my side. I could escape. I could stage an uprising.
     He won’t let me escape. Surely he’s thought of that plan. So what’s he going to do to prevent it? Brainwash me?
     But whether or not I stage an uprising, what really hurts is that I know I’m supposed to be here right now. I can’t explain it. I just know. I felt it on my way to this wretched place.

     When we came into the city proper, the area startled me. I’ve never seen so many people before.
     I’ve never felt so much chaotic pain before. It’s awful! Curse Reck for being right. I can help. I have no idea how. It just happens. But the world outside these walls is so terrible that I want to scream. People can’t move on, taking their past with them everywhere they go.
    Should I manage to escape, my biggest fear is that I won’t want to go home. The pull to fix things, to help people, is so strong that I can’t deny it.
     Why can’t I just be a normal girl? I was so happy growing up. I’d give anything just to run through the grass barefoot again. I was simple and carefree and ready to laugh at anything.

     No. That’s not who I am anymore. That’s not who I was meant to be. I need to help. They need me. That’s what the sun said.
     SO THEN WHY IS RECK DETERMINED TO KEEP ME LOCKED UP IN HERE?! I scream in my head. Who could’ve ever imagined the torture would be not to keep me from escaping to go HOME but escaping to go help the people.
     Why isn’t he letting me out to do that? Wouldn’t he want that?
     I quickly breathe in. He wants to control me. He wants to say who does and who doesn’t get help.
     Bastard! I’m tired, so I go to the feather bed in the little alcove.

     I just have to remain strong. I can do this. Apparently, I was born to do this. I WILL help these people, even if it means I’ll never go home again.

     I’m sorry, Rohan. The old me bursts into tears.

    The following morning, there’s a knock at my door. A bit surprised since the guard would just barge in, I call out for the person to enter.

     “Hello,” I say and smile. I probably look a little strange, but I’m not used to being alone all the time.
     “Good day, milady.” She walks in with a smile herself. Then her face straightens as she stops before the rug.

     “M’name is Ali Campbell, milady, and I’ve been hired by his majesty to clean your room and such.”
      I can tell she makes a real attempt at sounding official, and I hate Reck just a bit more. His whole system is utterly ridiculous. One minute he talked about forgetting the past but yet he acts like we live in the distant past.
     Yes, I’ve had too much time to sit and think about stuff.
     I try to think of something generic to talk about. “You have a last name?”
     That surprised her. “Yes?” Her eyes imply that she’s asking, ‘you don’t?’
     “I never knew my last name. I was found wandering the streets as a toddler at eop.” Vik and Orion had always called that time when the plague ended as ‘eop,’ meaning ‘end of plague’ for short. It was such a big deal that it just vanished one day that people started a reset button on the calendar years because of it.
     A little bit of pink shows up in her cheeks, which is nice for her because she is really pale. “Yes, milady. M’father handed me off to a man before he died just before eop. That man told me his name was Walter Campbell, so I…” She pauses. “I apologise.”
     How odd. I stand up.

     “For what?” I smile in an attempt to ease the sudden tension.
     “I was instructed to do what I can to help but not give you my life story, milady.” She bites her lip for a second. “But I’m afraid I started doing just that.”
     That bastard. What kind of instructions are those? “My name is Yadira. Call me Yadira.”
     Tears start swimming in her eyes. “Do ya need any ‘elp wiv anythin’?” Her voice cracks as the words fly out very quickly. She bites her lip again, hard.
     “I’d like to help YOU.” She’s furious that her father abandoned her, not knowing he was trying to save her.
     She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. Good day.” She turns around and practically runs out the door.

     “Wait, Allison!” I call out, but all I get in reply is a hard sniff.
     I huff and fold my arms. So she was instructed not to tell me her story, Reck probably wondering if that’s what would trigger my ability. He told me he wanted me to help people, to ‘heal his country.’ Then why stop me? I glare at the door.
     Then I jump when the villain of my thoughts opens it and walks through.

     “What was that all about?” he asks, gesturing to the door. “I came to see how you were getting on when I see that new girl running away and crying. What did you do?”
     I want to punch him. “What did I do? What did YOU do?”
     “Me? She went running away from YOUR room.”
     I stomp over to him, and a little voice in my head warns me to keep my temper in check.

     “You told her not to tell me her story?” My breathing gets deep as I work to keep from screaming at him.
     The bastard smiles. “Oh that. Of course.” His expression becomes suddenly shrewd. “But you got to her anyway, didn’t you?”
     I can’t hide the venom. I’m sick of being cooped up. “I don’t KNOW what triggers it, okay?”
     He rubs his chin. “Right. And I’ve been pondering.”
     “So you sent a test subject?” I close in. I’m itching to slap him. I can’t explain the sudden rage I’m feeling right now. It has plenty to do with being cooped up, but it also may have to do with how I blame HIM for all the pain I’m feeling around me–because he won’t let me out to help. I don’t like being helpless.

     He looks totally unfazed by my mood. I cross my arms. I’m pretty damn sure slapping him across the face would not help my cause.
     “Yes, in a way, I did.”
     “Then why give her instructions like that?”
     He takes a breath. “That’s my business.” He reads my livid expression. “I didn’t INTEND for her to be a ‘test subject’ as you put it. I merely thought you might need help with… stuff, but I didn’t want her getting caught up in… you.”
     I happily imagine myself like a cat and scratching his eyes out. “You’re keeping me here, as a prisoner, because you want me to help your people. Then you work hard to prevent that very thing.” Make up your mind!

     “You misunderstand. I don’t wish to prevent it. However, I need to understand what I’m unleashing before I let you try and get close to anyone else.”
     I really look at him for the first time since he’s walked in here. There’s a kind of… calm… about him. It has to be that knowing what his father was thinking before he shot himself has allowed him to move on from it; he’s no longer carrying it around.
     “Then how would you suggest you go about understanding me?”
     He takes a breath. “There’s a woman in the jail. She’s gone mad, muttering nonsense and lashing out at people. I didn’t want to lock up anyone that could be a functioning member of society, but she’s more of a threat than anything else.”

     “And you want ME to try and help?”
     He smirks a tiny fraction. “I thought what better way than try the toughest case first?”
     “You’re insane.”
     He shrugs. “Or you could just stay in here by yourself for another few days.”

     So when we get to the dungeon because let’s face it–that’s what it is, a woman reports to us without being asked.
     “She’s been throwing her shit everywhere again.” The way she looks at her king reminds her of me, and I instantly like her.
     Reck nods. “We’re here to try and relieve you of your charge, Angie.” The way he says it makes me wonder if she would be somewhere else, at another post, if not for the crazy woman behind the bars.
     I look in the cell. A young woman with long brown hair sits on the dirty floor in a fetal position, rocking and singing to herself.
     “Unlock it,” Reck orders.
     The woman shakes her head, implying she thinks it’s a crazy idea, but she does as asked. My guard and she both enter the cell with Reck and me. The brown-haired woman doesn’t appear to notice us.
     I crouch down, trying to understand her. It’s like she’s pure chaos.

     She goes back and forth from mumbling nonsense to singing things. Was that a nursery rhyme? Then it’s a bunch of lalalalala’s. Then laughter. Then she cries.
     “Well?” Reck asks.

     Him interrupting my thoughts doesn’t help. “I told you I don’t know how it happens.”
     He makes a noise like he’s pondering something. “So I was right. It needs to come from the person. You’ve had visions. Anything from her?”
     “Chaos: burning buildings, running through fields of grass, rotting corpses, laughter from a baby, more burning, a flower, a toy train, a man yelling in her face, bricks, and so on.”
      I have no idea what to do! She makes zero sense to me. Before, I’d always discussed what I was seeing, telling the person the meaning behind their painful memories. With her, I only get flashes of things. Still, my heart goes out to her that she has such a life as she’s having. “Take my hand.” I hold mine out.

     Instantly, Reck and my guard react, pulling me back. The guard lady holds the crazy woman, who screams at the top of her lungs. To my look, Reck says, “Don’t let her touch you.”
     “I don’t know what else to do!” I jerk away from my guard and Reck. Then I stubbornly walk up to the screaming woman, my guard on my heels. He’s actually a nice guy. I just know. I have no idea what he’s doing in this line of work.
     “Yadira, please,” Reck begs.
     I ignore him, and I take the woman’s hand. The screaming stops. I whisper, “It’s going to be okay. You’re not alone.”

     She goes almost limp in the guard’s arms, silently crying. Then I’m blasted with a load of horror. She’s the last of a large group of people. She had a baby. Then one night, something made people lose their minds all at once except her, a kind of mass hysteria. They killed her baby and each other. She barely escaped with her life.
     “It’s not your fault,” I tell her quietly. I swallow hard. Then I see how she got here and saw the success of everything and snapped. Why couldn’t that have been her being successful with her group? What if she causes this city to snap as well? “You didn’t do it.” I have no idea what did. Sound waves? How does that even make sense? But that’s not the important part here.

     The woman begins breathing normally, and she opens her eyes and stands on her own. The guard carefully releases her but is at the ready to grab her again if needed.
     “Thank you.” She hugs me, and the room relaxes.

     I hug her back, ignoring the smell, and when I open my eyes, I really don’t like the look on his majesty the dunghead’s face.
     Reck takes a breath. “Let her have a bath in here and put her under observation for forty-eight hours. Then come report to me.”
     “Yes, milord,” the woman guard replies.
     I pat the once-sick woman’s hair. “It’ll be okay, Macie.”
     “You’re a goddess. I know you are.”
     “Okay then,” I don’t want to acknowledge anything. Reck is already freaking me out enough as it is.
     Macie pulls back and kisses my hand. “Thank you again.”
     “You’re welcome.” What else do I say?
     In a commanding tone, Reck says, “Come with me, Yadira.” Out we go back up to MY cell.

     “You did something similar when you saved Lars’ life, didn’t you?” He’s watching me in a peculiar way after he followed me into my room instead of just leaving me here alone again.
     “What do you mean?”
     “You didn’t see it?”
     “Obviously not.”
     “Well, now I have two guards who will have an impossible time keeping quiet about it.”
     “What are you talking about?”
     He smirks. He’s not going to tell me! “I mean I haven’t exactly told them not to tell anyone.” 

     “Why don’t you just leave?” I throw at him.
     “Oh! So quick to dismiss your only companion in days? I didn’t think you preferred solitude.”
     I hate solitude, and I’m pretty sure he knows it. “I’d rather solitude than you sitting there lording it over me and not telling me anything.”
     “You want to know things? I can tell you things.” He smirks.
     “I mean about at the jail cell.” I scowl because he hasn’t dropped his smirk.

     “Sure. One ‘thing’ is that Angie and I used to be lovers. Another ‘thing’ is that she despises me now.”
     “That,” I don’t want to talk about this, “seems to happen to you a lot. Must be something,” I struggle to continue. Come on, Yadira! Insult him! He deserves it! It’s just why does it have to be on this topic? “Must be something you…” This is very inappropriate.
     His smirk grows, if that can happen. He takes a stab at what I’m trying to say, “Must be something I do to make them despise me?” He leans in. “Why Yadira, do you mean sexually?”
     I can’t stop my stupid blush, but he doesn’t need to read anything into it. I pretend to be unfazed. “Sure. Why not?” An uncomfortable ice flows through my veins.
     Both corners of his mouth lift. “I don’t see how that could be since I’ve never had any complaints. Quite the opposite, in fact.” He acts like he’s going to say more. I have to stop him.

     “I really don’t care.”
     “But you said you wanted me to tell you ‘things.'”
     “Not things like that, I don’t.”
     He plops his hands in his lap. “Then what should we talk about?”
     “Nothing. You can leave.”
     “Absolutely not. You are my personal guest, and it’s my duty to entertain you.”
     “I’d rather you left me alone.”
     “Nonsense. Besides, I can have really droll days. I’ve been looking forward to this little chat all day.”
     “No, you just wanted me to go heal Macie.”
     He scowls. “No, that was still just work. THIS is what I’ve been happily anticipating. What should we talk about?”
     “Nothing.”

     “So you would prefer we didn’t talk.” His eyes imply something I do NOT like.
     “Not in the way you’re thinking.”
     “So you CAN read my thoughts,” he says like he’s answering a question.
     I shake my head. “No. That only happens with the… thing… that I can’t help but do.”
     “Then how is it you know what I’m thinking when you say ‘not in the way you’re thinking’?”
     I scoot the tiniest bit away from him, more icy feeling in my veins. “It’s what your expression says.”
     “What does my expression say, poppet?”
     “Don’t worry about it because it’s not going to happen.” There.
     “That ‘what’ isn’t going to happen?” He’s baiting me.
     “Nothing.”
     “So ‘nothing’ ISN’T going to happen.” He grins. “Interesting.” He watches me for a moment. “Now, of course, I can’t help but wonder what IS going to happen.”

     “Stop it, Derek. I don’t like the turn of this conversation.”
     Where I’m guessing he would’ve continued it anyway, he instead blinks at me with wide eyes. “What did you call me?”
     Oh. Hm. I did it again. I sigh, fighting not to roll my eyes. “Your name.”
     “‘Derek’ is no more. My name is Reck… because I wreck anything that gets in the way of what I want.” I can tell he tries not to glare. I’m not bothered.
     “No. Derek is still in there.” I watch him. His face begins to droop downward.

     I feel like if he could get more air in, he’d yell what he says next. “Stop it.”
     “Stop what? Telling you who you are?”
     “Get out of my head, Yadira.” He breathes deeply.
     “I’m not ‘in your head.’ It’s there on the surface. You say ‘Derek’ is no more. Well, ‘Derek’ cared about people, and now that you’re carrying less baggage around with you, you have more room to care.” Wow. Not even I know where that came from, but as the words leave my mouth, I know they’re true.
     “I thought you were done doing that to me. Bloody hell, did Rohan have to put up with this shit every day from you?”
     Ow.

     “Rohan was true to himself for the most part.” I fight to keep from crying. And this didn’t used to happen all the time.
     “Shit. Yadira, I’m sorry.” He looks at a loss as to what else to do. “How are you doing this to me? Why? I was fine before. NOW do you see why I’m cautious about releasing you to the population?” He breathes fast. “And I used to not apologise for anything.”
     “And that was ‘fine.'” I cover my eyes. I almost feel like a parent talking to her child, but that’s bizarre considering how much older he is. “And people need me. That’s even what YOU said.”
     “Yeah, before you did your hocus pocus on my emotions. How do I know you’re not going to leave chaos in your wake?”
     I glare at him. “You just saw me disperse chaos. And you, your mind is less chaotic.”
     He does yell now. “You took away my driving force! I’m king! I need to be strict! I need to separate myself, remaining unbiased and above the general population. Now, I want to go out and kiss babies and all that bloody politician nonsense. I don’t need to be LIKED. I need to be feared and respected.”
     “Then I did you a favor.”

     He gets quiet, and we sit here and stare at each other. I’m not backing down. If whatever it was I did to him made him less the bully that Zuri told me about, I’m glad I did. There is so much here that needs to be fixed, and I guess it starts at the top.

Reck

     I can’t decide if I should throw her out the window or grab her arms and beg her to help me. She’s brought back pieces of me I’d thought long buried. I came here tonight to do some simple-but-effective flirting, to have a little fun watching her resist my every move, but instead, she’s sitting there and picking me apart. She called me by my old name. I don’t suppose it’s too hard to guess what it was, but no one has addressed me as such for over a decade.
     I have what I THOUGHT was a wonderful image in my head. I want Yadira at my side: the king and his goddess wife. People would adore us. They would come from across the globe to be a part of what I’m trying to create. But in this image, I’m ruling by power and might alone. All I could think is ‘I win.’ I thought that would make me happy at last.
     Now, that image is tarnished. All I see in that picture is a man with a lust for power, and I don’t like it. What I don’t like MORE is that this shouldn’t even be happening. I NEED power. I know in my gut that I was meant for this, but she’s making me question my purpose for being meant for this.

     “What are you thinking about?” she asks, and with everything else, it makes me almost crack up laughing. That’s my reaction to this whole irrational mess. As in: how can she sit there like an omnipotent being and then suddenly switch to someone acting exactly like her age?
     Now to figure out how to answer her. “I’m trying to figure you out.” There. Turn it around on her.
     She shrugs. “I’m really not a complicated person.”
     “I beg to differ.”
     She shakes her head. “No.” Her hand waves in the air as if brushing away a thought bubble. “I have no control over the weird stuff.”
     “And that’s what scares me,” I say before thinking.
     “Is that why you’re keeping me locked up?” Her unusual eyes flash that same anger that was there when I first entered her room earlier.
      There’s more than one answer to that. They’re coming for her. I know they have to be. Thing I DON’T know is who. Rohan I can handle. Vik is a bit of a tricky one–it all rests on his temper. I can’t imagine Zuri would come. Corin and Orion, especially together, are my biggest worry… except for the two I know nothing about–the others who were on the island when Rohan arrived. 

     I smirk. “This is for your own safety.” There we go. Back on track.
     “If you think I’m buying that, then you’re dumber than a sack of rocks.”
     I chuckle. “A sack of what?”
     She huffs. “Rocks. It was one of the things Asa would say when he would try not to cuss.”
     Ah ha! A name. “Would Asa curse a lot?”
     She wrinkles her nose. “Only when Sama wasn’t around to get on to him about it.”
     Another name. She would make a terrible spy. Asa and Sama. “So Sama must be a real rule-follower.”
     She shrugs. “She likes things done the right way, I guess. It’s what makes her a good leader.”
     “She’s your leader?”
     Her eyes suddenly get bigger.

     “Get out.” She makes a motion as if to push away the air, like that would get me to leave.
     “What did I say?” So she finally figured it out.
     “Leave them alone. They’re happy.” Her face suddenly clouds over. “Well, they’re not bothering you.”
     “What did you expect me to do?”
     “It wouldn’t be as easy as the Trags. They’ll fight.”
     I smile. “I’m not interested in conquering your home, poppet.”
     “Good because they don’t need you. They don’t need any of this.” She gestures to her fantastic room.

     “I have no reason to conquer them. Although,” I make a thinking gesture, “Rohan did kill one of my best scouts.”
     “Only because he tried to shoot Asa. Odin shot first.”
     My smile returns. “Yes, he made a good scout but a terrible marksman.”
     “Please just leave,” she tells me quietly.
     I’ve reached her limit. If I were to stay, she’d only shut down, and that’s no good. “All right, poppet. I’ll leave you to your thoughts.” I don’t even touch her. I don’t need to.

     On my way to the door, I throw over my shoulder, “Oh, if there’s anything you need, be sure to tell Ali. I’ll speak to her and ask her to return. If not, Niel could probably get it for you. We have an amazing assortment of books if nothing else.” I glance at her. She doesn’t reply, merely looking like she’s berating herself for revealing things about her home to me.
     One thing’s for sure: I am no longer bored.

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A/N: Sorry for the double dose of doozy chapters. The next few are shorter, though no less important!